It is experiences and not material things that bring us the most joy. Whether it is a hike with friends, family game night, or taking a drive to see the changing colors of fall, many of life’s best moments are inexpensive or even free. A night out with friends, a long road trip, or concert tickets may cost more but also make you just as happy. Either way, the most satisfied people are those who can squeeze the most experience out of whatever money they spend.

A caveat

There is one critical distinction when comparing material to experiential purchases; some material things crossover into the experiential. For example, that new set of skis I’m trying to persuade my wife to let me buy. Purchases like that can open up the opportunity for more experiences. The point is not to avoid buying material things altogether but to purchase items that will make for more adventures.

Experience Over Stuff

That said, it is experiences, and not things, that make us happy. This may seem counterintuitive as buying an item means that you now have the material object you can hold and keep while an experience is an ephemeral thing that comes and goes. But the science is overwhelming on this topic; experiences make us happier than things. So why is that?

1. We adapt quickly to things.

New purchases do not change over time. Because of that, they quickly become stale, and we soon don’t even notice them. That rush you get from opening the box subsides rapidly, and your new purchase ends up forgotten on a shelf. Soon enough, you are looking to clear off that dusty old shelf, so you have space for the next great things you hope will bring you lasting happiness.

2. Experiences are more social.

We are more likely to share experiences with other people. And not just the experience itself, but also the planning and anticipation before the experience (of say, a ski holiday) and the memories accompanying the experience afterward. Sharing these adventures with friends is more likely to cement a bond than showing off your latest purchase (which may do the opposite).

3. Experiences defy social comparison.

Social comparison is one of the biggest thieves of happiness. However, experiences, unlike things, resist easy comparison. How can you compare your vacation skiing in the mountains with your colleague’s trip to the big city? And even if you could, would you enjoy your vacation less because you knew someone else was enjoying theirs? Not likely. The opposite may be true. A big part of the enjoyment of attending an event, like a concert, is the infectious joy that comes from being surrounded by other people who are also enjoying themselves.

4. What might have been.

Experiences are less prone to another kind of comparison; the comparison to what else you could have gotten. Unlike experiences, it is easy to compare things like handbags, cars, and vacation homes. Do you have the latest bag? Should you have sprung for the convertible? How does the square footage of your colleague’s vacation home compare to yours? The ability to set physical things side by side makes comparison easy to do and difficult to avoid. So much so that the second-guessing begins almost as soon as you complete your purchase.

5. Anxiety over buying things.

Knowing you may regret your purchase decision generates anxiety over making the wrong choice. You don’t want to purchase an inferior item. You also don’t want to pay too much for the things you do buy. The result is stress over your purchase decision which robs you of some of the joy. Worst of all, that stress does not go away once you finally make your decision. Seeing an advertisement for the same item on sale after you paid for yours can make you regret your decision. You can never be sure that a material purchase won’t bring regret in the future, and that knowledge creates tension.

6. Experiences get better over time.

Material things (like my old skis) go out of date and become old and worn until we need to replace them. Experiences, on the other hand, grow more positive and enjoyable over time. A trip to the beach with family or a night out with friends can become embellished and improved through reliving it. We tend to remember the good parts of our experiences and minimize or forget the hassles and stresses. That means you can relive all the fun you had skiing in fresh powder and forget all the traffic hassles and parking difficulties you had to deal with to get to the mountain. Over time, the high points become higher, and you forget lows making the experience — unlike a thing — better with time.

7. Experiences get revisited more than things.

A decade after an epic day of skiing, you will still be recalling the event with fond memories. Meanwhile, that great new thing you wanted at the time will have been replaced or forgotten in the same time. That is too bad because the more we revisit something, the more joy it brings us. And what we review most are our experiences.

8. You are the sum of your experiences.

You associate your identity more with your experiences than with the things you own. What you own is outside of you, but your experience becomes a part of you. Things can come and go, but it is what you do that makes you who you are. Your identity comes from what you do, not what you own. And because people associate their identity with their experiences, research has shown that people would rather trade away material things than their experiences.

9. Experiences deliver a feeling of accomplishment.

When you raise a child, earn a degree or sail down a black diamond ski trail, you face challenges along the way. The effort you exert to overcome those trials gives you a feeling of achievement. You feel the experience has made you a better and more capable person. You rarely get the same feeling from a new purchase — unless it is skis.

Conclusion

Research is clear that experiences bring us more happiness than material things. If you look at yourself, you will likely find this to be true. The problem is, even knowing that is true, we still have a cognitive bias toward the acquisition of stuff rather than experiences.

Next time you are trying to decide how to spend your money, remind yourself that you will get more long-term joy from an experience than a thing.  And when you are contemplating a material purchase, ask yourself if that new item will lead to new experiences. If the answer is yes, then definitely buy the skis (I hope my wife reads this article).

Want to learn more about the relationship between money and happiness?

Then check out these articles;

Does More Money Make You Happier?

4 Science-backed Ways Living with Less can be More

Five Ways to Gain the Most Happiness From Your Money