How should I live my life?
That is probably the oldest question. And the answer to that question may be the most ancient piece of self-help advice. It dates back to at least the time of Confucius (551-479 B.C.), who stated it as:
“Tzu~kung asked, ‘Is there a single word which can be a guide to conduct throughout one’s life?’
The Master said, ‘It is perhaps the word ‘shu.’Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire’.” (The Analects).
I learned this lesson as the Golden Rule, which may sound more familiar to you as,
“Do onto others as you would have others do unto you.”
The Golden Rule
The Golden Rule came to me from the Christian tradition and this often-quoted passage in the Bible,
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
(Matthew 22:36~40)
What I learned a few year ago is that this lesson is found in all the world’s major religions in one phrasing or another. Take a look at these examples from around the world;
“And if thine eyes be turned towards justice, choose thou for thy neighbour that which thou choosest for thyself.”
– Bahá’i
“Hurt not others with that which pains yourself.”
– Buddhism
“This is the sum of duty: do naught to others which if done to thee would cause thee pain.”
– Hinduism
“No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself.”
– Islam
“One [who is] going to take a pointed stick to pinch a baby bird should first try it on himself to feel how it hurts.”
– Nigerian proverb
“Whatever is disagreeable to yourself do not do unto others.”
– Zoroastrianism
Different cultures, religions, and wording, but the same underlying message which the humorist science-fiction author Douglas Adams summarized as, “Let’s all try being nice to each other for a change.”
Dangers of the Golden Rule
It’s a great idea, probably why generations have passed it down. But it can also prove a problem. What if your neighbor does not want the same things you do? A great deal of suffering has been imposed on people throughout human history by the mistaken belief that others should want the same thing that we want for ourselves.
Uncounted people have been hurt in a misguided attempt to do on to others as we want to be done onto ourselves, without bothering to first find out if others want the same things. Misguided attempts to employ the Golden Rule can go from the mild annoyance of a neighbor who insists you join their Cribbage club to the re-education camps built to change people’s political ideologies, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation.
A Better Way
While pondering this potential danger, I was pleased to uncover a gem of wisdom from the American transcendentalist philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson,
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
Thinking about how to be useful to others takes the focus away from us and puts it on others. Being useful encourages us to think of how we can help people in a way that is most meaningful to them. It encourages us to employ our talents and abilities in service to others. Or as a theme I keep coming back to, being useful means becoming the best version of you and putting that best version to use for the betterment of others.
It’s more than just loving our neighbor. It is about loving ourselves as well, all of ourselves, including our talents, quirks, interest and eccentricities. Accepting all parts of ourselves and then making ourselves better by building on, rather than denying our uniqueness.
The good news is that there is no right or wrong way to do this. Everyone has their set of talents and interests and thus their unique way of being useful. It is a method that brings out the best in us through service to others.
Being Useful and the Meaning of Life
I find that being useful to others brings us to the meaning (small m) of life. I’m not convinced there is one The Meaning of Life (capital M) out there for us to find. Instead, I think each of us must give meaning to our lives. This idea came to me from Viktor Frankl‘s great book Man’s Search for Meaning. His insight is poignant because Frankl found meaning in the most soul desolating environment imaginable, a Nazi extermination camp.
Frankl was an Austrian physician and jew who was arrested by the Nazis and sent to a series of “work” camps during his incarceration. Despite the abuse and neglect he experienced, Frankl maintained a sense of meaning. The purpose he found in his suffering gave him the will to survive where so many perished. He summed up his insight when he wrote, “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked.”
It is up to us to create meaning for our lives. We do that by taking stock of our unique interests and abilities and finding a way to use them to be useful to others. It really is that simple. Find a way to embrace your talents and flaws and put them to use for the betterment of others. Because in the words of Viktor Frankl, “The meaning of life is to give life meaning.”
Dig down within yourself and find your talents, quirks, interest, and aversions, then invent a way to build on those to become the best you can be. Next, give that best self away in service to others by finding a way to be useful.
If everyone were to sweep in front of their own house, the whole world would be clean. If everyone brings forth their unique abilities in service to others, the world will be a better place.
Join me on this journey of self-discovery, improvement, and usefulness to others. Together we can make a difference.
A special thanks to Brian Johnson who compiled this list of quotes and so much more great wisdom in his book A Philosopher’s Notes – On Optimal Living, Creating an Authentically Awesome Life and Other Such Goodness. I highly recommend this book, and Brian’s website Optimize.me. I first encountered Brian’s work when he wrote summaries of books on the back pages of Experience Life magazine and have followed him for the past decade through various iterations of his business and teaching. He has made a big difference in my life. I also recommend Viktor Frankl’s story of suffering and ultimate triumph of the human spirit, Man’s Search for Meaning.
Note: I am an affiliate with Amazon, so if you click on the link and buy either book, I will get a little something to help support this site. I am not an affiliate of Brains Johnson’s website Optimize.me. I do recommend that you check out the site for Brian’s great wisdom.
If you found this helpful, feel free to share it with anyone you think might find it helpful. Also, sign up to continue the conversation by becoming a part of the weekly email to stay up to date with the latest content. We promise to send you only good content, no spam, and not to share your information with anyone.
