You might be thinking, “I don’t need a philosophy of life.” Of course, you are right, but not for the reason you think.

You don’t need to develop a philosophy of life because you already have one. That’s right. You are already using a philosophy to guide your life. All your ideas about pursuing success and what success even looks like are your philosophy of life.

The big question here is: Is the philosophy I’m using getting me the results I want? Do you even want the things you are pursuing? Or is your philosophy a hand-me-down, mixed bag of ideas and expectations you inherited from others? Because if you are not getting the results you want (or getting what you think you want), and it is not satisfying, you need to develop a better philosophy of life.

“It is better to change an opinion than to persist in a wrong one.” — Socrates

Hand-Me-Down Philosophy

A hand-me-down philosophy of life is like a pre-owned suit of clothing. It does cover you and keep you warm, but it never fits right. It is too loose in places and binds in others. Worst of all, you know that it is not yours. Deep in your heart, you know that you are wearing someone else’s clothing and that you will never feel like yourself while you do.

The problem is not that you do not have a philosophy; the problem is that your philosophy is not working for you. And why should it? It’s not yours.

The Price of a Great Life

To have a great life, you need a great guide to that life, and that means you need to consciously build a better philosophy of life tailored to you. It needs to be yours and yours alone. Unfortunately, individually tailored suits are expensive, and building your philosophy of life also has a cost.

The cost of an extraordinary life is a great philosophy to guide it, and developing that philosophy requires work. This requires rethinking old assumptions — challenging your beliefs and letting some of them go. It requires an open mind and willingness to try new things — to experiment and to fail. Then, you need to pick yourself up and do it all over again. It’s not easy or fun, but it is worth it.

Let me illustrate with my own story.

“Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”

— Oscar Wilde

My Story

I worked hard to become a doctor and even harder to become a surgeon. I believed in the importance of hard work and aspired to the highest goal I could achieve. This led me to adopt the philosophy of my calling:

“The patient comes first.”

For more than a decade, I put the patient first. I went without sleep, regular meals, exercise, self-care, time with family, the opportunity to form friendships, and my love of the outdoors. I worked seven days a week and was on-call every third night because the patients’ needs came before my wants and needs.

After a dozen years of living by this philosophy, the overwork resulted in my getting pneumonia, which ruined a family vacation. That was my wake-up call, and the day I said, “I can’t do this anymore.” I looked at myself and saw the toll putting others’ needs before my own had taken. I was obese, out of shape, angry at the world, and unable to appreciate my wonderful family.

I had to confront the harsh reality that the philosophy of life I was using had failed me. Always putting others first had made me less than what I was capable of being. And, ironically, I was cheating my patients out of the best care I could give them by being less than my best.

I was not getting the results I wanted in my life or my career. I needed a new philosophy of life, which meant I needed to question my old philosophy’s assumptions.

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”— Mahatma Gandhi

How to Develop a Philosophy of Life

Question your assumptions.

Questioning your assumptions about life is never easy nor fun. You have invested a lot of time and effort into your old ways. In my case, questioning and abandoning what I had dedicated myself to for the past fifteen-years was a bitter pill to swallow. It’s more comfortable in the short-term to not doubt and stay where you are. However, it will prove harder to change in another decade when you will have even more invested.

It is hard to ignore the simple fact that if your assumptions are not getting the results you want, then those assumptions are wrong. The biggest problem here is that most people are unaware of the assumptions they are making. Many of our beliefs were handed down to us by others when we were young, and we absorbed them without realizing it.

I invested heavily in the idea that the patients came first and that I would be recognized and rewarded if I stuck to that rule. But the truth of the matter is that others are so involved in their wants and needs that they rarely notice you and what you are doing. So I was sacrificing my health and happiness while no one noticed or cared. Once I realized that cold, hard fact, I could move on.

Practice:

Sit down and make a list of all the “rules” by which you live. The trick here is to write out a long list because you will find there are many “rules” you live by that you are unaware of. Next, mark each of these “rules” to indicate if it is serving you, holding you back, or just neutral. Study the list to see what rules aren’t serving you and make plans to eliminate them.

“You don’t need to change your behavior. Question your assumptions and behavior automatically changes.”

— Byron Katie

Study people you admire.

Once you have questioned your assumptions about life and success, it is time to formulate a better philosophy. But where to start? One place is to look at the lives of people you admire, people you think are doing it right. Look around in your community for people you would like to emulate. Observe what they do and think about how you can incorporate those lessons into your life.

Don’t stop there. Look beyond your community and outside your usual circle for a fresh perspective. You can do this experientially through travel or more academically by reading the biographies of those you admire. Both of these are good places to look for inspiration and education.

Practice:

Who do you admire? Who would you like to emulate? Make a list of people and the traits about them that you admire. Some should be people in your community you can approach for advice. But don’t limit yourself to just those people. Think back through time for historical figures and then read biographies about them. Never stop learning.

“Success leaves clues. Study people you admire or want to be like.”

— Anthony Robbins

Be practical; focus on answerable questions.

As practiced in universities today, the disciple of philosophy is divorced from the real-world answers people need. A philosophy of life is a practical exercise. It should be evident not in what someone writes or says but in how they act and conduct themselves.

To that end, you need to approach philosophy from a practical perspective. Arguing about God’s existence may be a fun exercise, but I don’t find it useful in my day-to-day life. Instead, ask questions like:

• “What do I do that makes me feel meaningful?”
• “How can I make better use of my talents?”
• “Who should I learn from?”
• “When is the right time to make a change in my life?” (Spoiler alert: the correct answer is now!)

Practice:

Make up a list of questions to help you move your life to the next level. Keep them focused on practical issues with answers you can put into action. Then go and ask people you admire these questions. Or read the biographies of those you admire for their solutions. Then figure out how to put that into actionable steps in your life and execute those steps.

“To be a philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school… It is to solve some of the problems of life, not theoretically, but practically.”

— Henry David Thoreau

Experiment.

You will never land on the perfect philosophy. If that were possible, people would not have been debating these issues for thousands of years. Accept that we are all flawed humans and that anyone who claims they have all the answers is deluding themselves or trying to sell you on a cult.

All we can do is to make our best approximation and then take a step in that direction. I like to think of this as doing little experiments. I tried many as I turned my life around. Not all of them worked, and that is why they are small experiments, so if they fail, I’m not out much.

Practice:

Based on your failed assumptions in the past, and what you have learned from those you admire, what small experiments can you make today? It may be as simple as packing a healthy lunch rather than eating in the cafeteria. Big, life-changing habits happen one little step at a time. What one little action will you take today?

“Life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Find your tribe.

Not everyone is going to support you as you try to do better. People will tell you it can’t be done. Others will claim you are saying that you think you are better than them if you try. Keep in mind, when people tell you what you can’t do, they are really telling you what they are unwilling to try. And when they tell you that you are trying to act better than them, what they mean is that they don’t want to have their views of what is possible challenged.

To build a better life, you will need to surround yourself with people who share your ambition — people who are further down the road, better and smarter than you are. You want to find people who pull you forward rather than hold you back. As they say, you never want to be the smartest person in the room.

Practice:

Think about what it is you hope to accomplish and where you can find people who can help. This might mean joining a local photography club if you want to create better pictures. It could be a class at the local college. It could mean hiring a coach to help you improve at a particular skill or life in general. Don’t listen to the people who want to hold you back; find the people who can pull you forward.

“It takes a tribe to raise a human.”

― Yuval Noah Harari

Be patient.

A philosophy of life is not something that you formulate in one night. It takes time to find your groove, and even when you do, you will be exploring that groove for the rest of your life. So take the pressure off yourself to get it perfect and just get started. Give it time. It will get better, and so will you. Have faith and be patient.

Practice:

We tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in a day and underestimate what we can achieve in a decade. To combat this, take some time to think about the person you want to be in ten years. What will you do? Who will you do it with? Where will you live? How will you dress? What is your level of fitness? Get a firm idea of your ideal self in ten years. Once you have that down, ask your current self what your ideal self would do in your situation. Would your ideal self eat the donut or the apple? Make a choice your ideal self would approve of, and you are on your way to meeting that ten-year goal.

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

— Leo Tolstoy

Don’t commit.

Growth is a lifelong process. Think back over your life and how much you have changed; from an infant to a toddler, child, young adult, spouse, parent, etc. When you stop to think about it, it’s incredible. The toddler you is so different from the you of today, and yet, you are the same person.

Your future self may be as different from you today as your toddler self is. Embrace the fact that change is the only constant in life. Don’t commit to any one ideal. Stay open to new information and experiences. Incorporate new lessons into your philosophy of life because it is a living and growing thing just like you.

Practice:

Remind yourself that change is the only constant in life. Many people think that if you change your ideals over time you are being inconsistent. Please don’t fall into that trap; change over time is not inconsistence, it is growth.

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”

― Isaac Asimov

Don’t take it too seriously.

The last point is not to take the process too seriously. We have all met someone who recently converted to a new way of life that can’t stop trying to persuade everyone else to join them. Whether it is a religious conversion or a new couch, this person’s seriousness gets old quickly. Don’t be that guy.

As you improve your life, others will notice. Let them do so by seeing your actions and your results. Don’t preach to others about your new take on life; just live it every day. When you do that, others will take note and ask you what you are doing differently. Then is the time to give them a pull forward into growth.

Practice:

Make it a point not to talk about your new philosophy of life with others. Just live it in everything you do and say. Then, people will come to you when they are ready. There is no point in trying to convert people who are not ready yet.

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”— Marcus Aurelius

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