The number one belief that keeps you from being happy and successful and what to do about it.

You believe that creating your ideal life means deciding what will make you happy in the future and then going out and getting it. Sounds straightforward, so it must be right. And it would work if it were not for one little problem, you are incapable of accurately predicting what will make you happy.

Your Number one Mistake

Your number one mistake is thinking you know what will make you happy in the future. You can extrapolate what you think might make you happy by looking at your past. But you can’t know what will make you happy in the future because you have never been there.

The past is a poor predictor.

But the past is a poor predictor of the future. Your past is behind you, and you aren’t going that way. You can’t get back to it, and trying to recreate your history will only create a pale imitation that will leave you disappointed.

The future is a hazy abstraction.

This simple problem remains; you have never been to the future, so you have no way of knowing what will make you happy when you get there. There are only two things you can predict about the future with any certainty; one, it will be different from the present, and two, you will be different from who you are today.

Neither of those facts stops you.

When you plan your future, you overlook both of those facts. Instead, you look to your past to tell you what will make you happy in the future. You try to extrapolate what might make you happy again from your memories of joy. But what’s ahead will never be the same as what’s behind. Using the past as a guide, you are trying to get somewhere you can’t go. Attempting to do the impossible will lead to frustration… but only every time you try.

You’re Doomed Because You Are Trying to Go Somewhere You Can’t Get To

The danger becomes that no matter how exceptional your future is, it will never be a perfect recreation of your past. The future will always fail because you can’t recreate the past. Trying to do so is a recipe for disappointment.

People who grew up in the 50s look back on that time as the best of times. Meanwhile, people who grew up in the 70s see that as the ideal decade. Yet, people raised in the 50’s also lived through the 70’s but did not think it was the best of times. How can that be?

Your memory works against you.

Your memories aren’t real because your memory is imperfect. What you remember isn’t an accurate representation of what happened. You tend to remember the good experiences and forget the bad. That vacation you think back on so fondly wasn’t all fun. There were also dull times driving from place to place, waiting in line, feeling cold, tired, and hungry. But over time, the unpleasant parts of the experience fade from memory while the good parts get reinforced by reimagining them and retelling stories.

You don’t remember the past. Instead, you recreate an idealized image of the past in your memory. Compared to that idealized image, your future with its mundane realities can’t measure up. You are doomed to be disappointed no matter how good your future becomes.

The truth is better than you think.

The truth is that you are getting better, and so is the world. You just don’t see it because you compare your current reality to your idealized memory of the past.

Today you enjoy luxuries the kings of old couldn’t even imagine. Despite all their wealth and power, they never enjoyed indoor plumbing, hot and cold running water, or just water that was safe to drink. Healthcare in their time was as likely to hurt you as help you. You can get fresh fruit and vegetables at any time of the year, regardless of whether or not they are in season. You have access to more information and entertainment in a day than people had in a year just two decades ago. And as impressive as castles look, they are cold, damp, dark, and drafty places to live compared to even the most modest homes today.

You blind yourself.

Your myopic focus on an idealized version of yesterday blinds you to everything that is better today. Thus you can’t see all the good that today and tomorrow have to offer. Why is that?

The future will be different from the past. What’s keeping you dissatisfied is your mistaken belief that different is wrong. When you try to recreate the past in the future, you end up with something foreign. Better, but foreign. Your mistake is misinterpreting foreign as “bad” or “wrong.”

Compared to your idealized image of the past, no future can match up. By working to recreate your past, you are ensuring that you will never be happy. You are dooming yourself to failure in your attempt to perfectly recreate something that never existed and blinding yourself to how good your current and future situation really is.

In Summary

Your past is an illusion; what you remember is not the same as what you experienced. Working to recreate the past will only result in disappointment.

The future is a hazy dream; you can’t know what it has in store because you have never been there. All you can know for sure is that both the world and you will be different in the future.

What are you supposed to do?

So how are you supposed to be happy in either one? The simple answer is that you can’t be.

There is only one time you can be happy.

The only time you can be happy is now. Looking to the past robs you of the joy of living today. Fantasizing about a better tomorrow prevents you from seeing how good you have it.

Now is better than ever before. Better, but foreign. When you think back on your past, you will realize that many of the things you wanted then and thought you couldn’t be happy without are now things you take for granted. Do an inventory, and you will find that you have much of what your past self thought would make you happy.

Put aside your expectations.

Look past your expectations to appreciate what you have achieved. Make a list of all the things you once longed for that you have today — not just the home, car, boat, vacation, good food, nights out, but also your family, friends, health, and success. You will realize how much better today is than yesterday when you do this.

One other critical insight from inventorying your life is realizing that acquiring everything your past self thought would satisfy your current self did not. If that is true, then how likely do you think it will be that getting all you desire today will make you happy in the future?

Conclusion

You will always want more. You will always see the grass as greener on the other side of the fence; that is human nature. Focus on the grass at your feet; you will find that it is plenty green enough.