An oversized pickup pulled out in front of me without enough room. As the driver gunned the motor and released a James Bond-worthy cloud of black, greasy smoke, I hit my brakes to avoid rear-ending them. Then I got the privilege of breathing in the stench of that diesel exhaust. Meanwhile, I looked in my review mirror to see plenty of space behind me where the driver could have easily merged.

“What a jerk!” sprung to mind. Well, ok. Maybe the word wasn’t “jerk,” but I’m trying to be better.

But is the driver really a jerk? How would I know? Just the week before, I had seen the traffic light in front of me turn from green to yellow. I knew I was too far from the intersection to make it before the light turned red. Rather than step on the brake, I hit the gas. Laying on a burst of speed and entering the intersection as the light changed.

Does that make me a jerk?

I don’t like to think so because I was the surgeon on call that day, and I was rushing in for an emergency. Yes, I ran the light, but I did it for a non-selfish reason. I did it for the benefit of someone who needed my help and might be harmed by the time I would have spent sitting at a traffic light.

I like to think that makes my action ok. I’m usually a conscientious driver. Stay close to the speed limit, don’t tailgate, and always stop for red lights. I felt my lapse in that one circumstance was justified.
But that guy in the pickup was just a jerk.

The Fundamental Attribution Error.

What this experience illustrated is the Fundamental Attribution Error. According to the Harvard Business Review, this cognitive error refers to “… an individual’s tendency to attribute another’s actions to their character or personality, while attributing their behavior to external situational factors outside of their control. In other words, you tend to cut yourself a break while holding others 100 percent accountable for their actions.”

That is what I had done. I blamed my lapse in driver’s safety on the situation in which I found myself. In contrast, I blamed the other driver’s lack of road etiquette on their personality. In short, I labeled them a jerk because I assumed that one action defined who they are. At the same time, I cut myself a break because I blamed my equally questionable behavior on my circumstances, and thus that one lapse does not define me as a driver or as a person.

The fault here is in assuming I know anything about the driver of the pickup. For all I know, that motorist had a sick or injured child in the vehicle and was racing to the Emergency Room. Just like me the week before, they may have had an excellent reason for acting the way they did.

That is the danger of the fundamental attribution error; I know what is going on in my life, but I don’t know anything about other people’s lives. Thus it’s not fair of me to label others as good or bad people when I don’t know the circumstances that led to their actions.

No One Does Harm Willingly

Socrates said, “Nobody does harm willingly.” People rarely act in a way intended to injure others. Instead, people behave in the way they see as best for the circumstances where they find themselves. The truck driver was not cutting me off to personally affront me. I don’t even know that person. Instead, they were doing what they thought was best for them in that situation. The problem was that I did not know what their situation was.
Now when I find myself in situations like this, I reflect on the words of Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius,

“Whenever someone has done wrong by you, immediately consider what notion of good or evil they had in doing it. For when you see that, you’ll feel compassion, instead of astonishment or rage.”

— Marcus Aurelius Meditations, 8.47

Other people act out of their appreciation of what is best. You may not agree with their decision, but you do need to accept that they are doing the best they can with their information. If you don’t agree with their decision, it may be because you don’t know their situation.

Right, Wrong, and Slightly Less Wrong

We are rarely allowed to choose between obvious right and wrong. Most of the time, we must choose between wrong and slightly less wrong. For example, is it wrong to leave a patient bleeding in the ER for several minutes while I sit at a traffic light? Or is it less wrong to run said light and get to the hospital that much sooner? I can only make that decision on a situation by situation basis.

Other drivers may have been angry with me for my decision, but my choice had nothing to do with them. I like to think that they would have done the same thing if they were in my situation. I would like for them to be empathetic to my problem. In return, I need to be patient and understanding with others.
No one does wrong willingly? If people do wrong, it’s because they think they are doing right. When we encounter difficulties with other people, we need to remind ourselves that they are trying their best in the situation they find themselves. It is likely that if we were in the same circumstance, we would choose the same thing.

People Act From the Knowledge They Have

This brings me to the following quote from Marcus Aurelius,

“When you first rise in the morning tell yourself: I will encounter busybodies, ingrates, egomaniacs, liars, the jealous and cranks. They are all stricken with these afflictions because they don’t know the difference between good and evil.”

— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.47

If our experience gives us insight so we would choose to act differently, we need to be compassionate to those who do not know what we know. Our goal needs to be to respond with empathy and understanding. Not judgment and anger. We need to approach the misguided the way we would a small child who behaves wrongly because they don’t know any better. Keep in mind that it is not their fault. Then try to guide them to do better.

Embrace the fact that you will encounter difficult people in your day — people whose own opinion of good and evil, right and wrong, civility and rudeness will differ from your own. Keep in mind that their behavior is a product of their experience and has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally. Do not let it affect you at all. You should expect that when you go out into the world, you will encounter people like that. Instead of being affronted, approach them with kindness, empathy, and even pity, for they do not know better.

Again, Marcus Aurelius has good advice for us,

“Kindness is invincible, but only when it’s sincere, with no hypocrisy or faking. For what can even the most malicious person do if you keep showing kindness and, if given the chance, you gently point out where they went wrong — right as they are trying to harm you?”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.47

Don’t Respond in Kind.

If someone is rude to you, they are inviting you to meet them on their terms. But you can choose not to respond in kind. Rather than join them in battle on their field of hostility, you can establish your own turf — one of kindness and compassion toward their naivety about how best to act. It is the last thing they will expect.

Armored for combat, they will be unprepared for a peaceful response. Likely they will see the error of their approach and feel abashed.
In a recent example, a patient unleashed a tirade of complaints about the hospital upon me when I visited them. Rather than become defensive and engage them in verbal fisticuffs, I said, “Wow, that must have been difficult for you. I can’t blame you for being upset. Please tell me more so we can do better.”

Taken aback by my response, the man looked embarrassed and backed down. I was not surprised to learn that the patient’s genuine concern was the fear of being sick and anxiety about whether or not he would recover. By failing to step into the trap he had set for me, I was able to get to the real heart of the problem.

Be Tolerant of Other and Strict with Yourself

This brings me to my final thought from Marcus Aurelius,

“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.”

— Marcus Aurelius

I can’t know the circumstances that drive others, but I can understand what is going on in my life. For those reasons, I need to be compassionate with others but strict with myself. The danger of the fundamental attribution error is it encourages us to do the opposite. When misused, it allows us to let ourselves off the hook for our transgressions while holding others responsible for theirs. We need to make a conscious effort to do the opposite.

Knowing all of your circumstances, you need to ask yourself what you would say to someone else in your place. Would those circumstances excuse their actions?

With others, you need to assume that there are circumstances outside your awareness that are driving their actions. You may feel frustrated that a co-worker is not pulling their weight and dismiss them as lazy. But it may be that they were up in the night with a sick child and are too exhausted to work harder. In that case, their work may represent a Herculean effort and be the antithesis of laziness.

How to Avoid the Fundamental Attribution Error in Daily Life

Here are a few suggestions on avoiding falling victim to the fundamental attribution error and putting the advice of a Roman Emperor to work for you.

Become aware.

The first step is to be mindful that we all tend to see ourselves in the best possible light by attributing our wrong actions to circumstances. While at the same time attributing others’ wrongful actions to their character and ignoring the role circumstances play in other people’s actions.

Don’t take it personally.

For the most part, people are not doing things to offend you personally. The truck driver that cut me off did not do it as a personal affront to me. We don’t even know each other. And the angry patient was not mad at me; he was scared by his situation. So try not to take it personally.

Don’t make assumptions.

Don’t assume you know what is going on in the lives of others. Everyone is battling their personal dragons in life. And all of us are doing the best we can in the face of the challenges before us. If you are going to assume, then assume others are doing the best they can. And don’t be afraid to ask them what is going on if you need to. Framed with genuine kindness, a question like that can change the entire tenor of the conversation.

Look for good qualities in the other person.

If there is someone you can’t seem to get along with, try looking for their positive attributes. It may take a little effort to look past the traits that bother you, but everyone has good characteristics. Make a list of those traits and keep them in mind when you interact with that person.

Become more aware of yourself.

Take time to look at how you interact with others. Are you bringing out your best? Are you kind, patient, and supportive at all times? Probably not. We all have our off days. None of us are immune to misfortune. But that does not excuse bad behavior on your part. Become aware of how you react to others when you are not at your best. And if you can’t stop yourself at the moment (hey, we are all human), then apologize later.

Don’t cut yourself slack.

Remember the words of the most powerful man in the world at the time wrote to himself, “Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.” You can’t know what others are going through. You can’t control others. You can take stock of and control yourself.

Back to My Story.

I backed off and let the pickup truck go. I have not idea what his rush was about, but I’m sure it had nothing to do with me. So rather than shout a four-letter word or wave with my middle finger, I sent the driver a little blessing, “I hope you arrive safe at your destination.” And I meant it as an act of genuine kindness. And rather than feel aggrieved at being cut off, I felt at peace.

Conclusion

The fundamental attribution error is the natural tendency to blame our wrong actions on circumstances while blaming others’ actions on their character. Meaning we tend to cut ourselves slack for our behavior while holding others entirely responsible for theirs. What we need to do is the opposite, be strict with ourselves while giving others the benefit of the doubt. After all, no one intentionally does wrong. Everyone is trying to do their best with the situation in which they find themselves. Become aware of that fact and approach others with genuine kindness and empathy, and you will be pleasantly surprised at the response you receive.