Standing in the checkout aisle of the grocery store I make eye contact with a celebrity mugshot on the cover of a tabloid. It’s probably another scandal featuring a rising star who got drunk, high or both and then wrecked their expensive car on Rodeo Drive.

Wrecked by Success

These high-profile meltdowns are so common, we have a phrase to describe them as “wrecked by success.” The assumption is that that too much money and fame ruined these people. But the truth is, these people were already wrecks.

Money and fame did not ruin them, they were already flawed. All the wealth and success did was amplify who they were and made their inevitable fall all the more dramatic.

If this person never made it big, the odds are the same thing would have happened. Not with a luxury sedan in an exclusive shopping district in Beverly Hills, but with a used Chevy in a Walmart parking lot.

The real problem is not that money and fame changed these people; the real problem is that it did not change them. All their success failed to produce a change in who they are, a transformation in their being.

There are three layers of transformation and all of them are necessary to live your best life. The mistake people make is in trying to substitute one transformation for another. Let’s take a look at the three levels and how to use them effectively.

The three transformations

Life is about transformation. The acorn longs to transform into an oak tree. People long to transform into something more as well. The psychologist, Abraham Maslow, famously described this in his hierarchy of needs that motivate humans. These needs progressed from basic physiologic needs (food and shelter) to self-actualization (the fulfillment of one’s potential).

Another way to look at Maslow’s work is to see humans as seeking three types of transformation.

Transformation of Condition.

When you give a cold person a blanket, you have produced a transformation in their condition. You have moved them from cold to warm.

Transformation in Circumstance.

When an aspiring actor gets their big break and goes from waiting tables to attending Hollywood galas, that is a transformation in their circumstances. They have gone from poor and ignored to rich and famous.

Transformation of Being.

In the movie Groundhogs Day, actor Bill Murry finds himself caught in a loop where he keeps repeating the same day. He can make changes in how he approaches that day that result in changes in his condition and even in his circumstances. But it is only when he changes his being that he finally wakes up as a new man on a new day.

You Need All Three

There is a place for all three of these transformations in our lives. It is hard to work on transforming your being when you haven’t had enough to eat. The problem becomes when we substitute one form of transformation for another. It is when we consume “comfort food” in an effort to fill a hole in our being rather than in our stomach, that things go wrong.

Overeating to try and substitute a change in condition for a transformation in being can have detrimental effects. Food and sex have a place in a healthy life when used properly but can also harm us if used unwisely. Alcohol and drugs appeal to users because they offer a shortcut to the feeling of transformation. The “rush” users get from a hit may feel like a doorway to self-transcendence, but the crash on the other end turns out to be the gateway to hell.

Where Celebrities Fail

Celebrities experience a transformation of circumstances when they gain wealth and fame. This is not bad. We all need enough power over our lives to be able to determine our own path. We also need some recognition from others as well. However, the drive for unbridled power and wealth is an effort to force others to treat us differently in the hopes that we will become different.

The celebrity hires publicists, stylists, and image consultants to change their public perception. But that perception is not the reality. Even if they can coerce the public into believing in their artfully curated fantasy, that does not change who they are. It takes effort to maintain the illusion. Eventually, they fail and the hypocrisy shows through, all too often ending in a trip to jail or rehab.

Celebrities aren’t the Only Ones

Celebrities are not the only ones who try to change their circumstances in an effort to change their being. People often hope that forcing others to see them differently (change in condition; beauty or fitness) or treat them different (change in circumstance: power or fame) will result in a genuine transformation. But no matter how fit, powerful or famous they become, they are still the same person underneath the polished exterior.

So what is so bad about wanting to get fit and make money? Nothing. The danger is in believing that achieving those things, will result in a genuine transformation of ourselves. It will not.

Lack of Transformation is a lead Cause of Malaise

Much of the malaise and dissatisfaction people feel with their lives today is the result of trying to substitute changes in condition and/or circumstance for a genuine transformation in being. The pursuit of changes in condition and circumstance were the only goals when our ancient ancestors were trying to survive famine in the world of the past. That is not true today and obesity is now our number one health problem. Continuing to focus on our conditions and circumstances will no longer bring the transformation we are seeking.

Today people want to transcend selfishness and pursue selfless goals with meaning and purpose. They want to develop their inner talents and bring out the best that is within them. Like the acorn, they want to transform into something more and grander. They want to become what they can become.

Do You Need a Transformation in Being?

Are you feeling the need for a transformation in being? Do you feel lost in life? When no one else is around, do you ask yourself questions like, “Is this all there is?”, “Is this as good as it gets?” and “There must be something more?” If so, you are feeling the need not to transform you condition or circumstances, but to transform your being.

You are not alone.

During my surgical residency, I felt isolated and powerless most of the time. So I filled that loneliness with food. Mini-pizzas from the cafeteria, sodas from the resident refrigerator and midnight trips to the vending machine did not make up for the long hours away from my wife and outside interest, but they did balloon my waistline.

Once I was in surgical practice, I tried to fill that emptiness with work. I put in long hours, including nights and weekends, trying to show that I was one of the hardest working doctors in the hospital. I hoped that by convincing others I was essential, that I would begin to feel valuable. Instead, I worked myself to exhaustion and further wrecked my health.

Then I turned to filling the emptiness within me with stuff. I bought a bigger house, a sailing yacht and built a stock portfolio. But the big, beautiful house meant more work with upkeep and lawn maintenance. The boat spent most of its time tied to the dock as I couldn’t find the time to sail. And seeing my investments gain and lose value with the vacillations of the market proved to be a rollercoaster of emotions.

After a severe case of pneumonia ruined a family vacation and convinced me that I was human, I looked at myself and did not like what I saw. I was fat, angry, unhappy, unhealthy, and not the person I wanted to be or felt I should be. So I changed myself.

Start by Accepting Yourself as You Are

It started with accepting myself as I was and then working to become the person I feel I am meant to be. In the process, I got fit and lost weight. I sold the yacht and moved to a lower-maintenance home. I stopped trying to transform other people’s impressions of me and focused on transforming myself.

Not Everyone will Support You

It wasn’t always easy. Not everyone around me supported what I wanted to do. When I transformed my being, I had to forgo some improvements in my conditions and circumstances. That meant moving to a smaller and less dramatic home. Taking a job where I earned less money, but which supported my lifestyle better. Making more time for my family while letting go of owning a yacht.

When I did this, some of my friends and associates thought I had gone crazy. They equated who I was with the work I did and the things I owned. They saw me as my conditions and circumstances. They did not understand why I would give that up. They were not ready to join me on a transformation of being. It was sad, but I had to let some of those relationships go.

When the Student is Ready . . .

There is an old Zen saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” In my case, when I started to change my being, I found friends and allies to help. They had been there all along, but my tunnel vision had kept me from seeing them. When I began my journey to a better life, I found that these mentors and friends had been waiting quietly all along.

Conclusion

Transformation is in the nature of all things. To not grow and transform is to stagnate, which is a form of slow death. You can’t transform yourself by changing how other see you. True transformation comes from inside out. You change yourself by transforming your being within and not by changing how others see you on the outside. Remember, a jerk is still a jerk even if he wins the Powerball. A good man is a good man, no mater his circumstances. Be the best person that you can be.

Come alive, because the world needs more people who have come alive.