Why Self-Improvement Won’t Make You Happier,
And what you should be doing instead
You have been working to change yourself for the better. You have read the books, watched the videos and implemented the strategies you learned. You may have even succeed, but you don’t feel any different. That empty place inside of you is still hungering for something to fill it. You continue to look forward to some future date when you will finally be happy. But, no matter how much you do, buy, achieve and impress others, you can’t seem to satisfy yourself. Your problem is that you are pursuing the wrong kind of change.
Personal Transformation Comes in Two Forms
Change comes in two forms. The one you hear the most about is ego driven change. This is when your ego cleverly coerces you to transform yourself into something other than what you are. Why would it do that? The ego pushes you to become what will glorify your ego. It pushes you to continually chase after wealth, fame and prestige even after you have found that those things do not satisfy. That is because your ego is not interested in making you happy, it only wants to venerate itself.
The other form of change is the wisdom of nature. Rather than chase one goal after another as the ego would have you do, this wisdom leads you to awareness and understanding. You don’t pursue any type of change, instead you leave the manner, timing and speed of change to nature. You seek to become aware of and to understand yourself and when you do, natural change blooms from within.
Ego is a Good Technician, but it Lacks Creativity
The ego is a great technician. It craves all the self-improvement advice, twelve step programs, and get-rich-quick schemes that promise overnight transformation. But these techniques only succeed in producing changes in your circumstances. Changes that others can see, which the ego craves because it desires recognition, but not the real transformation you desire.
Sure, a change in circumstances can make you more fit, wealthier, get you a bigger house and a fancy car, but what you want is to be happy. Your ego tricks you into thinking that changing your circumstances will make you happy. But it won’t, at least not for long. That is why you are careening from one thing to another like the ball in a pinball machine. Chasing one goal after another and hoping that the next achievement will be the one that finally makes you feel whole.
Transformation of Being
The real transformation you seek is a transformation of being, not circumstances. The metamorphosis you seek requires creativity. The ego can’t produce this kind of change because although it is great with tactics, it is not creative. However, nature is creative. Look at the amazing diversity of life that nature has produced. Nature is nearly infinite in its creativity. To achieve what you ultimately want in life, you will need creativity — you will need the wisdom of nature.
How to Transform Your Being
To tap into the wisdom of nature you don’t need to add anything — no new techniques or multistep program. Instead, you must give up things. Once you abandon your ego driven greed, ambition, striving, and desire to arrive, you will be able to tap into the wisdom that has always been inside of you, but which your loud ego has downed out. What you will find on the other side is of ego is awareness. An awareness that penetrates all your previous goals and ambitions and allows you to clearly see the foolishness and selfishness of your past desires and fears.
Awareness
The change that comes from this shift in awareness will result in the transformation of being you have been searching for. Your awareness will enable you to see how your previous goals were never going to bring you the fulfillment that your ego promised you. As you realize the folly of your previous goals, you will recognize that many of your goals aren’t really yours at all. They are the expectations of your friends, family, society, church and role-models that you internalized. And like wearing clothing tailored for someone else, you will recognize that these beliefs do not fit you.
Acceptance
Once you become aware of how your previous efforts have not gotten you what you want out of life, you will need to accept that is true. Some people will reach the point of awareness and then want to blame themselves or others for their past naivety. Instead of condemning, just accept that that is who you were at that time. Acceptance does not mean determining whether the situation is right or wrong. Instead, acceptance means recognizing how the situation is without judging it.
Acceptance is important because without it you cannot achieve understanding. If you are busy judging, you can’t understand. Judgment blocks understanding. So accept what you become aware of without judging the world or yourself.
Understanding
When you have become aware and accepting, then understanding will come to you. You will see how so much of what you worked so hard to acquire was not really for you at all. Instead, it was your ego pursuing its own desire for recognition from other. You ego is focused on what is outside of you. Your understanding will reacquaint you with what is inside of you. Once you understand why you so desperately wanted what you desired previously, that desire will be transformed into a preference. You will realize that although it would be preferable to be rich, it’s not worth the sacrifices it is costing you to get ahead.
Conclusion
Understanding is the way to natural change and natural change is the way to transformation of being. Let go of you ego driven greed, ambition, striving, and selfishness. Become aware that those desires have not led you to lasting happiness in the past and will not do so in the future either. Accept this truth without judging yourself or society. You don’t have to determine if it’s right or wrong, just accept that it is reality. Then understanding will come. And when you understand your desires, they will be transformed into preferences that you can control rather than being controlled by them. Once you understand, the wisdom of nature will take hold and you will experience a transformation of being and blossom naturally.
