“People living deeply have no fear of death.” — Anaïs Nin

Why do we fear death? After all, it is a universal fear. I am not talking about fearing the process of dying, which may be unpleasant. I’m talking about the fear of being dead.

I imagine that the time after my death will be much the same as the time before my birth. And that is nothing to fear. There was no pain or suffering before I existed, and I have no reason to think it will be any different when I depart.

Ancient Take on Death.

My thinking here mirrors the Greek philosopher Epicurus who told his students, “Death is nothing to us. When we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are not.” And I agree with him on an intellectual level. I understand what he is saying. But on an emotional, heart, gut-level, my spirit rebels at the idea. When I am gone, I can’t accept that something won’t be lost — something precious and worthwhile.

So What is it that I Fear?

I fear that I will miss out. If I were to die today, I would miss out on seeing my children mature into adults. I wouldn’t have the opportunity to walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding. I would never know the joy of holding a newborn grandchild in my arms. And I would not be there to support the ones I love as they make their way through these life transitions.

Death is the End of Opportunity.

What I fear are missed opportunities. Death is the ultimate denial of opportunity. When death comes, it is final. No do-overs. No video game-like second chances. Death is the ultimate end of possibilities.

Here are the big questions;

• Are you living your life to take advantage of all your opportunities?
• Do you make the most of every day?
• Or, do you plod through your day just going through the motions? Trading your time for money and promising yourself that once you have “enough,” then you’ll make time to live?

If you aren’t taking advantage of the opportunities life presents to you today, how is that different from being dead already?

Time is Money?

Society tells us that time is money, but that is only partially true. Time is opportunity. One of those opportunities is to make money, but we can turn time into other opportunities. Like the opportunity to live, love and enjoy life. The opportunity to pursue what makes your life meaningful. Time wasted is opportunity wasted; it is life wasted. And one of the worst wastes of life may be in trading it for money at the expense of other possibilities.

Regret is What You Should Fear.

The danger of missed opportunities is that it leads to regret. You will regret more what you did not try in life than the times you tried and failed.

Wondering “what might have been?” is the question that dogs us the most later in life. You can never know the answer to “what might have been?” and it is the open-ended nature of that question that keeps it haunting you even decades later in life.

“For of all sad words of tongue or pen,

The saddest are these: “It might have been!”

― John Greenleaf Whittier, Maud Muller

Passing up Opportunities Leads to Regret.

And what you fear is that you will arrive at death with regret.

• The regret that you worked too much and missed out on the most important things in life.
• The regret that you never expressed your true feelings.
• The regret that you did not stay in touch with your friends.
• The regret that you did not allow yourself to be happier.
• The regret that you never dared to live a life true to yourself and instead lived the life others expected of you.The regret that you worked too much and missed out on the most important things in life.

Those are the top five regrets of people who are dying, according to Australian palliative care worker Bronnie Ware in her book Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” — Norman Cousins

How to Avoid the Fear of Death.

To avoid the fear of death is to live a life true to yourself, your dreams, and your goals. To bring forth what is inside you and share it with the world. This does not mean you need to succeed at everything you try; it means you need to try. To try and fail is better than not to have tried at all. Even when you fail, at least you know the answer to “what might have been?”

The fear of death is the sting of missed opportunities, the bitter pill of regret. To thrive in the face of death is to live every day. To take advantage of the opportunities that come your way. To recognize that time is your most precious commodity — more so even than money. To live while you are alive so that when you face death, you will have no regrets.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” — Mark Twain

Live While You Can.

Keep death in mind.

It sounds morbid, but it may be the most life-affirming thing you can do. As a surgeon, I live in a world populated with the sick and dying. I can’t know when or how, but I do know that death will come for me. No one before me has lived forever, and I won’t be the first. Keeping this unavoidable truth before me helps to keep me focused on what is most important. Seeing a sick child reminds me to go home and hug my children and appreciate that they are healthy. Operating on a car crash victim reminds me that things can change in an instant. Reflecting on death may be one of the best ways to reinforce the importance of living.

No one will care what kind of car you drove after you die, but they will care about how you made them feel.

We tend to focus on the things in life and the status we perceive those things bring to us. But the fact of the matter is, no one cares as much as you do today, and no one will care at all once you are gone. The one thing people will care about is how you made them feel. How you contributed to their lives and how your presence made their experience a little better. Keep that in mind the next time someone asks you to trade your time for money. Ask yourself what else you could do with that time to impact those around you positively. It does not have to be a world-changing event. The other day, it was the simple act of taking my daughter to her favorite shop for ice cream and then sitting and giving her my full attention.

Take advantage of opportunities.

Remember, time is more than money; time is opportunity. Take advantage of your time to make the most of your opportunities. Say no to working more on things you don’t care about so you can say yes to what is most important to you. Make time for family, friends, a hobby, and personal growth. Refuse to use the excuse, “I’m too busy with work,” to put off doing something significant in your life. Do not pass up opportunities that you will regret later. Once those chances are gone, they are gone. You can’t get them back, so grab them when they come along.

Create your own opportunities.

It would be nice if people would offer us the options that we want. Unfortunately, my phone is not ringing with calls from publishers offering to pay me to write a book. Yet, I have known that I wanted to try writing since I was in high school. So, after three decades of wondering “What might have been?” if I had pursued writing, I’m giving it a try. Will I succeed? No idea. Indeed, no guarantee. The only thing I can guarantee is that if I don’t make an effort, I will regret it until my dying day.

Live each day like it’s precious.

The Apple founder Steve Jobs famously said, “Live each day as if it were your last.” Although I like his sentiment, I do not fully agree with him. Living each day like it is your last encourages short-term thinking that may do more harm than good. What I prefer is the goal of living each day as if it is precious. That means being thankful that you are here and looking for the good that comes your way. It means making time for the people and activities that make your life worth living. Most of all, it means never saying, “I just need to get through today.” Every day is unique and should be treated as a sacred thing. Imagine if you knew you only had twenty-four hours to live; what would you do with that time? With whom would you spend those hours? What would you say to them? You don’t need to wait till the end. You can do and say all of those things today. Right now!

“As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings happy death.” — Leonardo da Vinci

Conclusion

We all fear death because death is the ultimate loss of opportunity. Yet, too often, we pass up the opportunities in our daily lives. How is that different from being dead already? If you pile up enough wasted opportunities, all you will have is a pile of regrets. Regret you did not live how you wanted to live, love as others wanted to be loved and become the person you could have become. To live with the fear of death is to live each day — to take advantage of the opportunities offered to you. To use the thought “Someday I will be dead, then will this matter?” to help you separate what makes your life meaningful from all the garbage that clutters up your day.

Don’t fear death; fear wasting life. Fear squandering opportunities to live for things you won’t care about in the end, like money and status. Take advantage of today to allow yourself to be happy, to let those you love know how much you care, and to become the person you are meant to be. Live every day by taking advantage of your opportunities, so you don’t die with regret.

“Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”

— Bronnie Ware, author of Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.

Read More:

Read more on How to Form a Philosophy of Life and Why You Need To, or 12 Facts About Fear that will Help You to Live a Better Life.3