“These is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
— Paul Coelho
I have some bad news; you will never conquer your fear. No matter what you do, how much you achieve or where you go, fear will always be lurking in front of you. The best you can do is learn how to confront fear.
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear,” said Jack Canfield, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series (affiliate link). Fear is the obstacle in our path to a better life. If we want to live a better life, then we need to learn how to confront our fears.
The problem with fear is that it only affects the things we care about. I don’t really care if I get an apple or an orange in my lunch, so I’m not afraid to open my lunch sack. I do fear that the next article I write will be rejected by an editor or disliked by readers, and that makes it hard to open a blank Scrivener page.
The more we care about something, the more fear will rear its head. Some people chose to deal with this by claiming they don’t want anything. They live small lives and claim to be content with that. What they are really doing is avoiding the fear of failure.
If you want to live a bigger, fuller life, you will need to learn to confront fear. Notice I said, “confront” and not “conquer” fear. You will never conquer fear. It will always be there. The most successful people are not fearless, they are successful because they feel the fear and do it anyway.
The Secret About Fear
Here is the little secret about fear that successful people know; fear is a coward. You can’t conquer fear because your can’t catch it. Every time you take a step forward towards your fear, your fear will retreat one step. That is how you confront fear, by pushing it back one step at a time.
I’m sure there are things you feared before in your life. A new thing that you were afraid to try. Then you did it and realized it wasn’t so scary after all.
My Story
Years ago, I wanted to learn how to downhill ski. It looked like fun and I eventually convinced my parents to take me to Afton Alps in Minnesota. When the fateful day approached, I got more and more nervous. As I strapped on the rented boots and skis, I felt awkward and foolish. I couldn’t even walk to my first group lesson without falling down.
The chairlift scared me. It seemed to move so fast. The view from the top of hill was terrifying. It seemed so long and steep—it wasn’t this was Minnesota and not Colorado. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I felt cold and alone. I wanted to go home. I was scared.
Deep down I knew I did want to try this. I knew that I would regret it if I chickened out now. I did not want to tell my parents they made the effort to bring me here just for me to quit. I dug down and found that part of me that wanted to be someone who had tried this. Then I tried, and succeed . . . for about ten feet.
That ten feet may not sound like much, but I celebrated that inauspicious beginning. It was a start. I now knew that I could conquer ten feet of the ski hill. All I needed to do was string together enough ten foot long runs to get me to the bottom. So that is what I did.
That is how fear is confronted. Did you catch it? Let me break it down.
Fear is confront by;
- Have a purpose. If your reason for pursuing your goal is bigger than your fear, you can confront fear. Think about your goal and why you want it. Make sure it is your goal and not just what you think others expect. Then get concrete and detailed about why you want to achieve that goal. Keep that why firmly in mind as you begin. Go back to you why when you need more motivation.
- Take small steps. When I stood at the top of the bunny hill, it looked too big for me to overcome. What I learned is that I could overcome a small part of it. So that is what I did. Rather than try to ski the whole slope I broke it down into smaller segments I felt I could achieve and then I skied that smaller piece. That is how you can push back fear. Breakup the big goal into smaller, achievable steps and then knock those smaller segments off one at a time. Each time you do, you will push fear back a little farther.
- Action is the key to overcoming fear. Take action as soon as possible. The best way to do this is break the big scary goal into chunks so small it would be ridiculous not to do it. This is a great way to take the first step. Break your big goal down into an initial step so ridiculously small you have not excuse not to do it. Want to write a book, then go open a new document on your computer. Want to run a marathon, then put on your running shoes. It would be silly to be scared by such little goals. And odds are, once you accomplish that ridiculously small goal, you will go on to do more. So, Crush your big fear into ridiculously small task to get you started right now.
- Celebrate small wins. Small, incremental steps toward your goal is how you push back fear and achieve results. So celebrate each of theses small victories over fear and inertia. Make these celebrations immediate and aligned with your big goal. Celebrating the steps helps motivate you to take the next step and the step after that.
- Fear is never conquered. All you can do is confront it and push it back a little farther with every step forward you take. The fear will still be out there in front of you, but you will learn that as you move forward the things that used to scare you no longer do.
Skiing Telluride Colorado Photo by Chuck Black courtesy of ChuckBlackPhotography.com
I’m sorry I can’t give you a cure for fear. All I have to offer is the knowledge that fear can be confronted. And it must be confronted. You cannot afford to live a small life constrained by your fears. You can’t let fear win. So set some big goals that are meaningful to you. Get your reasons for wanting to achieve those goals clearly in mind and regularly remind yourself why you want to achieve them. Then “crush” your goals into smaller manageable pieces and go our and work your big goal one small step at a time. The fear will snarl at you as you advance but it will also retreat. Get fear on the run and keep it that way. Continue advancing and fear will retreat before you.
You owe it to yourself to become the best that you can be. You owe it to the rest of us to become the best that you can be, because we need you to come alive to your potential. Don’t allow fear to cheat all of us out of your best.
“Do one thing everyday that scares you.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
